I got back home not long ago, I went to watch Don't mess with the Zohan movie with my son at his dad's place and I thought it was such a funny movie. I really needed the distraction.

I just haven't felt like writing in the last few days but there's been a lot on my mind and different emotions for sure.

I've been talking to some people and doing the usual things. Whenever I take a ride to my bank in Waterboro I talk to the people that work there, they're really nice and, they know everybody and well I used to live in N. Waterboro when EJ and I were married so we knew our son's friends' parents, people at school and what not. These towns around here are not all that huge. It's amazing the stuff you hear sometimes. I also stop by this coffee shop to get hot chocolate when I do my bank runs and they know me too...anyways. The bottom line is that I had to go there a few times and I always like to see the leaves on the trees around there this time of the year.

Nikki is doing alright, just shedding a bit, she kinda always does this time of the year. She's still having issues with the stairs because she's old and when I had to get this place in a hurry, I was worried about how many steps there were because of her and she sleeps in my room by the side where I sleep "guarding me" so she pretty much wants to be with me wherever I go at home. My son was here this afternoon, he's not feeling well. I hope he's not getting that awful pharyngitis I had because I guess there's a lot of crap going around. Nikki was hanging out with him, when he's around she forgets about me a bit heh.

I'll try to catch up with you, my friends and let you know the latest things I don't want to write about here.  I'll write later if I feel like it. I have a lot of mixed emotions right now.

***10:26 p.m. I'm really tired due to lack of sleep last night. I've been aware of some things going on and I feel I have an obligation to prevent some things from happening and I will do so. I saw my son for a while today. He's not feeling well still. I've been a bit withdrawn from many people at the moment. I just have too much on my mind. I'm upset about a few things and some of you know why, but, I believe that none of those things will go far just like before because things that are based on wrong things cannot go too far. The truth always finds its way. You know that I'm a very smart person and very intuitive and analytical. It's not hard for me to put things together and figure out what's going on.

I've been thinking about what you said Lori...I know you feel that Bob is a predator and a liar...many times I wonder that myself. I know that he has lied, you all know that and things always have a way to get back to me one way or another. I'm upset about the possibility that indeed, he preyed on me and lied about everything he said to me...yes I know that he was not considerate of me or my feelings, my life as a human being as well as our baby's fate. I know he abandoned me when I needed him the most and the way he treated me after that and the lies and the lengths he has gone through to prevent me from getting a straight answer from him when I asked him if the anonymous calls I got about him cheating were true and to my astonishment, the accusations that followed and I was shocked because I had nothing to do with what he claimed but we all have a pretty good idea as to who was really behind that. I know all this, I do. It's really hard to believe that he lied when he told me I was the love of his life and that he wanted to marry me and all that and then the way he has treated me after that. The cheating, the way he would so easily jump into bed with other women without consideration nor respect. I know this. I'm well aware that he lied about not being the type that sleeps around. My head is spinning. I know that a person like that hurts others easily and without hesitation. I wonder how many more people he has hurt. Someday, I'll know everything...like I said, everything comes out one way or another.

It's hard to believe that someone you thought was so good, could be so different and go from one extreme to another...from being so good, with words, actions, gestures, emotions and displays of affection to downright mean spirited acts, cruelty, emotional attacks and such will to destroy someone whose only fault was to love too much and fall apart for losing a baby, the love of her life and his daughter. Can anyone really blame me for having a breakdown? Even my primary doctor and the specialist that examined me after my miscarriage said that other women can really do much worse than I did when losing a baby. My pain is inside, it's a deep grief but nothing that could be so bad that the one who said loved you so much, would be capable to be so unsupportive, cruel, careless, not being able to be understanding and compassionate for the pain and grief of such a horrible tragedy. Because it was a tragedy. It was a life that was forming inside of me...and you all know how much this still hurts me and that I will grieve forever. I'm so, so tired of so much cruelty, lack of compassion and lack of real love in this world...

Hi Geneva, Enjoy the beautiful canopy of fall colors! We're getting an amazing view of them in western NY this year!

I know I tell you this too often and forgive me for hurting you with my words perhaps. I know how you feel and how much this jerk has hurt you and how much it still effects you. I know it's hard to understand but all I can think of is that this guy is a player and a jerk of the worst kind. Low, cruel, liar and a coward. We've talked about this many times but it also bothers me that his daughter has such horrible role models in her life like her mom and him. Yes him, I know he takes care of her but he's not being very smart or considerate by bringing all these women in and out of her life. That's going to mess her up and it's not a good foundation in her life!Selfish on his part and very irresponsible!He's on the prowl again for sure, he can't keep it in his pants and doesn't waste time to look for more women to screw over (and screw). He's such a loser. A real con artist.