Surfrbelle's Diary

From my recent photo shoot with Mike Jones. All Rights Reserved.

Welcome to my diary, please share your thoughts with me. My name is Geneva Hersom AKA Surfrbelle or Surfer Girl. I live in the Sanford/Springvale area in Maine. I'm a mom, martial artist, surfer, model sometimes and cosmetologist. I've been through hell, I've suffered a lot, I've been betrayed in the worst possible way, been hurt beyond anything that words can express and evil deeds got in the way of the man who said he loved me so much, that I was his soul mate, the love of his life and his future wife: Bob McGrath. I still can't believe that he was capable of doing the things he did to me. He has hurt me deeply and has been extremely unfair, EVIL and cruel to me. I write here to let my feelings out and to write about my daily life as a way of sharing it with my friends. I have suffered tremendous losses including a miscarriage. This was Bob's and my baby. I have a broken heart and I'm deeply, terribly hurt and grieving so much for the loss of our baby. What I've gone through and what was done to me is awful. I'm an honest person; integrity, kindness and truth are the core of who I am. I love music, it's a very important part of my life as well as it relates to emotions and feelings.

For more about me, click on MY PROFILE link to your left. The story of how Bob and I met is in my archives here in one entry as well as my webpage in my About Geneva section. I have written about what he put me through as well.

The entries have numbers when you are viewing my diary in the View my friends' messages mode, so just click on View my diary on your left to go back and read the latest entry. This intro is also in my Diary's profile so to read it or if you can't see it just
click HERE My Diary(If YOU WANT TO READ IT) to VIEW my writings.

Yes, that's me in the photos, do not copy them without my permission. Copyright Tom Couture, EJ, Mike Jones and Geneva.

The scars of emotional abuse are worse than those of physical abuse, for physical abuse fades but emotional abuse has a more lasting effect.

Sympathy for the suffering of others and the desire to free them from it =compassion --Dalai Lama

I believe in Karma and those who have harmed me and want to continue to harm me, someday will find out what it's like to be on the other end of bad deeds. What goes around comes around.

Bob and I

MyHotComments

This is the trailer for the upcoming indie movie Bullet 17 where I played a KGB agent. I'm the one in the Black Hummer with the gun being really bad heh heh.

BULLET 17 trailer

My son and I (he's 15)

Links

Caring Unlimited (Domestic Abuse Support)

My personal links

Friends

Bravenet

Subscribe to Journal

Tag Board

Sally Ferguson: Happy New Year!

Bravenet Community Blog: Good morning, Geneva. Thanks so much for your tag.

I've just finished posting the link to your journal; I hope it helps.

Bravenet Community Blog: Hi Geneva. I'm doing some blog-surfing and thought I'd drop in and check out your journal. It looks great, and I've added to my blog list for my next update. On a personal note, I've been where you are, and I'm so sorry you're going through such awful pain. I'll be back again; I've subscribed to your journal...

mommyto2: Great blog. Stay strong. Trust your instincs. I look forward to reading more.

mandi791: Hey girl... I ve never been here before! Cool place... Hope things get better for you!

Krishna: Hi, Blog hopping

Charlotte: Hello. Care to exchange links? Thanks!

oswald: Its not easy to lose someone you love. But must still go on. Don't give up.

Sally Ferguson: Wishing you Easter blessings!

eric: Hi, Blog surfing

Carol: Wow! I am so sorry for your losses. I know that somehow, someway, God will take what was intended for evil and use it for good. How? Only He knows. Please, stop by my journal for encouragment. I will be praying for you.

Tuesday, December 2nd 2008

9:40 PM

My grief is still very much a part of my daily life

Mood:
Music: Michael Buble-You and I

I cried myself to sleep last night because of all the memories of the day I went to see the specialist and that's when it really hit me that I had a miscarriage. I was so hurt and so sad that I was in denial at times and doubting because what I was going through was awful enough given what Bob had done to me and how he treated me.

I remembered my walk to the rocks at Gooch's Beach and how much I was crying, all alone in the bitter cold and all I could do was throw a rose out to see as a way to have some sort of memorial for Bob's and my baby. That was probably one of the loneliest days of my life and I can't describe how painful it was and how I felt. Bob knew that I was going to do that and he didn't even bother to say he'd go as well, after all that was his baby too...and it was yet another dagger straight to my heart.

I'm still grieving so much and it hurts me so much that none of them even cared. I believe God has taken note of that and what goes around comes around. I'm so tired of so much cruelty and insensitivity and everything I have been put through. How dare they judge me? How dare he do what he's done to me?

I have shed so many tears for losing our baby and everything else he's done to me, not having Emily in my life and I miss her so much, every single day...

Andy said something nice to me and I want to share it with you here, because it moved me:

"Thank you so much Geneva. Your words are very kind to me.

I feel your pain of losing a child. I can imagine how much that affects a woman...more so than a man because it is the woman who bares the child. Again, I'm sorry your ex-boyfriend left you, confused, hurt, broken, devastated. I'm angry that a man would do that to such a beautiful woman as you Geneva.
He did not deserve your heart and in the end proved he was not a man of his word. But you are a woman of your word and you still have that, he doesn't.

I have to go to bed now it's already past the time.

With love and sympathy and a great big warm hug,

Andy xxoo"

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