- Mood:
- Music: Wilco-The Lonely One
I wasn't sure what to write here and I know it's been a while but I have been busy as well as thinking about many things.
I made a decision, I took a huge step and I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring. I do know that I'm marked forever by what Bob did to me and I will never fully recover from the biggest heartbreak and pain of my life because I lost so much...our baby, Emily and him and I still don't understand many things, there are still so many unanswered questions.
It's hard to believe and accept that he fabricated the person I fell in love with and that it's possible he is not really who he pretended to be to get me to fall in love with him. I'm appalled by his actions and I will never forget his lack of respect for me as a human being if anything, his lack of compassion for the loss of our baby and everything he's done to hurt me and his campaign to destroy me even more as if what he put me through initially was not devastating enough.
So it's all in God's hands and someday, he will regret it.
I'm here waiting for a flight to arrive within the next couple of days hopefully as Chris makes his way from his military service in Afghanistan. As of this moment he must be on a flight to the States via Kuwait. He has to go to Missisippi to outprocess for a couple of days and then, he will be here. I had been so worried for his safety because of things that happened as he was trying to make his way to Kuwait but thank God he is safe.
Chris has been a wonderful source of support and many more things than that. I have been comforted many times by him and it means the world to me, to know that someone cares and wants to help me get through all this nightmare and my grief.
He's been so caring and so thoughtful...I received some really beautiful iris flowers and red roses from him a few days ago as well as some things he got me in Afghanistan. That means a lot to me.
Work is going alright, I mean it's a bit of a slow time right now but I love working there.
My son, EJ and I had our Christmas here at my place, we had dinner as well. My son got me the Twilight book and I finished it the next day. I'm hooked on those series and can't wait to read the rest of them and see the movie.
My grief is still very much a part of my life and I will never forget any of this...I'm not sure what's in store for me, no one knows the future and what will happen but for now, all is in God's hands and maybe I do need more support from someone who cares to be able to get through this even though I know I will never be the same, something changed in me and Bob took a lot of things away from me and the love I felt for him and gave him, was unique...he knows it and I know it and I meant every word I said to him when I expressed such love to him...shame he lied to me and his so called love was not real...it hurts to realize he was a predator and I was his prey. I believed in him, so much...I trusted him with my heart, my love and my life...I gave him my soul as well and he left me so broken inside...the road ahead of me will be long and difficult.
Someday Bob will take responsibility for his actions towards the only woman who ever, really, truly loved him and his daughter. Shame on him for taking her away from me too knowing how much she meant to me and how much I loved and still love her.
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